"The course of true love never did run smooth" - Shakespeare
There's a great musical called "I love you, your perfect, now change".
If you haven't seen it on the stage, you've probably experienced it with your partner. Relationships are complicated because people are complicated. When two systems of complicated parts with different wants, needs and desires, get stuck in the mud and can't get out, couples therapy can help.
Though many forms of couples therapy focusses on improving communication and practicing behavioral techniques that improve connection, my approach draws upon the work of Toni Herbine - Blank, author of Intimacy From the Inside Out and Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity.
Working both individually and separately, I have couples discover what they are re-enating with each other and learn to do what's called "U-Turns". This is where they look inside themselves to see how they are asking their partner to take care of some part or need inside of them, that perhaps they need to do for themselves. When this happens -and couples get to the heart of the fight, they are able to witness and experience each other in a whole new light. They can then reinvent their relationship and rediscover the love they once had if both people have an honest willingness and desire for that to happen. And when it does, communication and connections naturally improves.
Sometimes, one or both persons has an ambivalence about staying in the relationship. Therapy is the safest place to explore that and be in an honest process where the ambivalence gets resolved one way or another.
The goal of couples therapy isn't necessarily to keep people together. It's to help them understand the underpinnings of their relationship so that they can make an authentic decision about it. If one or both persons decides to end the partnership or marriage, then therapy can help them uncouple and leave with invaluable lessons learned and love in their hearts for each other. For more information on this, see the Uncoupling page.
If this approach feels right for you, contact me and we will set up an initial consultation.